How I learned to healthily direct anger's burn

When I first became a mother I got up close and personal with my anger. Before then, I had always considered myself ‘not an angry person’. I’d back away from conflict rather than put forwards my annoyance or upset.

Then baby number 1 came along and I began to feel like I was a walking ball of unpredictable fury that kind of scared me. I tried really hard to be ‘good’, but I would have outbursts when I got really really exhausted (all the time!).

So began an inquiry and gentle relationship with my anger.

What I learned was I was always and forever not listening to myself, my needs, my body. The minor upsets would stack up – I’d meet them smiling with my best Mary Poppins impersonation - until the next small(ish) inconvenience unleashed the full force of gathered annoyance.

I burned myself and anyone around me.

So I started to listen more to myself, to my body. I noticed when I was starting to fell ‘cross’. Not ragingly furious, but ‘cross’. I started to put down boundaries when this happened. I made space for myself to walk, to breathe – even if it was hiding by myself in the bathroom with CBeebies for a moment’s peace.

I sat with my anger in meditation. I learned how to hold it, how to listen to it, how to USE it as it was meant to be used.

Anger is useful in that it floods us with energy to rectify problems, right injustice and stand our ground over issues we care about.

I began to sense my anger as this rippling POWER inside me. Power that I had backed away from when I avoided conflict. This power is a force of nature and it lives inside me, and inside you.

As women, we often don’t know how to exhibit anger healthily. The ‘angry woman’ is not a very attractive stereotype that those of us who try to be ‘nice’ don’t always feel comfortable expressing. So we clamp down, keep quiet and hold our tongues.

I think we should all start to claim our anger, learn how to hold it, learn how to listen to it and learn how to express it in ways that are helpful and constructive to bring about the changes we want to see in the world.

Just imagine, if we all united, what we could do?

I love my anger now. Truly. I feel really grateful for the personal agency, power, and space I have found inside from getting to know my anger.

TIPS ON HOW TO MANAGE YOUR ANGER:

 1. Start to practice body awareness through yoga or meditation. Download the free guided meditation at the bottom of my website and make space for yourself using this every day.

2. Take regular 3 minute breathing spaces - stop what you are doing, close your eyes and turn inwards just for a moment or two to connect with your body. See how and where you are.

3. Allow yourself the flexibility to alter the plans for your day depending on how you feel.

4. Communicate to your loved ones what’s going on.

5. Basically start to allow your insides to take up more space in your life.

Good luck! May you befriend this primal power within so that it creates healing and wholeness in your life.